Happy Mother’s Day - Humor
I didn’t write this,
but,
I wanted to share it with you.
As a redneck once said, “I don’t care who you are, that’s funny.”
‘A little Mother’s Day Humor’
or maybe some solid advice!
1. My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL
DONE.” If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
finished cleaning.
2. My mom taught me RELIGION. You better pray that will
come out of the carpet.”
3. My mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL. If you don’t
straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next
week.”
4. My mom taught me LOGIC.” Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My mom taught me MORE LOGIC. If you fall out of that
swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with
me.”
6. My mom taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean
underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My mom taught me IRONY.” Keep crying and I’ll give you
something to cry about.”
8. My mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut
your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mom taught me about STAMINA.
You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mom taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours
looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mom taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once,
I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My mom taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you
into this world, and I can take you out.”
14. My mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father.”
15. My mom taught me about ENERGY SAVING.” Turn out the
lights, “We don’t have stock in the electric company.”
16. My mom taught me about ANTICIPATION.”Just wait until
your father gets home.”
17. My mom taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to
get it when you get home!”
18. My mom taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.” If you don’t stop
crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
19. My mom taught me ESP.” Put your sweater on; don’t you
think I know when you are cold?”
20. My mom taught me HUMOR.” When that lawn mower cuts
off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21. My mom taught me HOW TO BECOME AND ADULT.” If
you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My mom taught me GENETICS.” You’re just like your
father.”
23. My mom taught me about my ROOTS.” Shut that door
behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mom taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age,
you’ll understand.”
25. And my favorite: My mom taught me about JUSTICE.” One
day you’ll have kids of your own, and I hope they turn out just
like you.”
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY
