Gather Greatness

 I didn’t write this,

but,

I wanted to share it with you.

As a redneck once said, “I don’t care who you are, that’s funny.”

‘A little Mother’s Day Humor’

or maybe some solid advice!

1. My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL

DONE.” If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just

finished cleaning.

2. My mom taught me RELIGION. You better pray that will

come out of the carpet.”

3. My mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL. If you don’t

straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next

week.”

4. My mom taught me LOGIC.” Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mom taught me MORE LOGIC. If you fall out of that

swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with

me.”

6. My mom taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean

underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mom taught me IRONY.” Keep crying and I’ll give you

something to cry about.”

8. My mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut

your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mom taught me about STAMINA.

You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mom taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours

looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mom taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once,

I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mom taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you

into this world, and I can take you out.”

14. My mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

“Stop acting like your father.”

15. My mom taught me about ENERGY SAVING.” Turn out the

lights, “We don’t have stock in the electric company.”

16. My mom taught me about ANTICIPATION.”Just wait until

your father gets home.”

17. My mom taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to

get it when you get home!”

18. My mom taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.” If you don’t stop

crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

19. My mom taught me ESP.” Put your sweater on; don’t you

think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mom taught me HUMOR.” When that lawn mower cuts

off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mom taught me HOW TO BECOME AND ADULT.” If

you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mom taught me GENETICS.” You’re just like your

father.”

23. My mom taught me about my ROOTS.” Shut that door

behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mom taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age,

you’ll understand.”

25. And my favorite: My mom taught me about JUSTICE.” One

day you’ll have kids of your own, and I hope they turn out just

like you.”

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY